Nobody's Home
by Wings of Water - SKYE
Summary: Would you live a life of misery in exchange for one moment of happiness...? If you could fly sososo high would you let go of the fear of falling? Even if maybe, just maybe you knew it would be the first and last time. Slight AU MxF  DISCONTINUED
1. note to self

She wants to go home

But nobody's home

That's where she lies

Broken inside

_I swear, it wasn't supposed to happen like this._

_My laugh, my smile, my essence at some point had been pure, sincere, real._

_But it was just a matter of time._

_I thought I knew everything, how everything was supposed to be but that was something only my old naïve self would've said. I learned in the worst possible way that the people you loved would only build you up and tear you down._

_They do say that the higher you are the farther you'll fall._

_I could've sworn I'd left my bad luck behind, that a new city would bring a fresh start; a new life to put it simply. Maybe I was wrong, maybe I was right._

_I don't know what to believe anymore. Its one thing to believe you lost someone; it's an entirely different thing to lose them twice._

_Something like throwing away a second chance. _

_I think brooding is contagious; I simply can't stop dwelling how badly I screwed up._

_Maybe…just maybe I didn't screw up though. Is loving a mistake? That's what I once thought but now I'm not so sure._

_Not that I was ever sure of anything._

_They all said writing it down would help me, make me see that I haven't lost everything. The thing they don't understand is that I know that. I know that I have the world at my finger tips; I know I can make people bow before me. I know I have the power. _

_I know that all, but it none of it changes how I feel._

_I was selfish, stupid, and weak before I met the friends I have today. I thought nothing of the people who suffered in silence. I know better now, every life means something in the long run. _

_More than I could've imagined._

_To put it simply, I was wrong._

_This is my story, not the before one, not the after one. _

_The one where what seemed like a tragedy became the closest thing to a happily ever after._

_That is, if I believed in those._

_-Max_


	2. couldn't tell you why she felt that way

**A/N**Edited12/6

This chapter is a cross between a prologue and just a normal chapter, I feel bad about it being so short so I don't think I'm entitled to calling it a chapter. Hope you like!

_**Disclaimer**__: I DO NOT own anything and if I DID for starters I would be a guy (which I'm not) or Avril Lavigne (from the prologue-thing)(obviously you can't own a person)_

_-Ash_

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**couldn't tell you why she felt that way**

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I gazed into the mirror, unconsciously fingering the fringe of my black hoodie. As much as I hate to admit it, my father was right, nervous habits die hard. That's probably why he always knew when someone was lying to him and the best manipulation tactics. I really wanted to hate him for that alone but…a part of me thought it was clever and secretly wanted to know how to detect a lie.

Except for the manipulation part, the manipulated become manipulator? Highly doubt it.

The more I stared the more confused I became, alternating between glaring at my reflection and the photo that lay innocently on my bed. There so much of a difference between the pictures and the real thing that it had taken a second for me to realize just what I was looking at. My own reflection was making me uncomfortable actually.

Was this really me?

It'd been so long since I'd looked into a mirror, afraid of what might stare back. Or maybe it was because it simply took so much effort to simply getting up every day much less bother with what I looked like. It was the dead of night and everything was dark in my room, but the haunting hazel eyes that I saw wouldn't go away and the dark circles beneath them wouldn't fade.

I contemplated my frame with a sort of detached interest; I was skinnier, emptier, what had happened to my other half?

I'd thought through this so many times, concentrated so hard but a face would never appear. It had to be why I had not so created as brought back "shadow". Hey, it fits. I never get a clear picture of what he looks like and I needed a name. Five years ago was when everything had gone to hell. When I'd lost my best friend and he'd become my shadow, that much I was sure of.

I was such a horrible friend, after all these years I'd forgotten what he looked like, what his laugh felt like, how his smile shined.

Of course, if you asked any of my relatives or class mates who I was talking about they would say I was catatonic and should be locked up in the Belview hospital from the Christmas video we saw in like the 6th grade.

Cautious as to where I stepped, I made my way towards my escape. It was almost as if there a bright light illuminating from the other side of the front door, I kind of wished there was because I didn't own a flashlight and there were some pretty hazardous rose bushes into the front yard. I winced remembering how one time my brother had pushed me down the porch steps and straight into the thorns and I'd ended up getting stitches. We aren't exactly a close knit family.

I didn't even have to make any real effort to be quiet; lately I had become a shadow without realizing or truly caring why. Why did it matter?

A pang of deep sorrow beat inside of me again, an ache that I couldn't shake off as my footsteps lead me toward my freedom.

I don't know why the pain was there. I held no regrets for what I was doing because it would be the best for everyone's sake.

I would not miss my father…or my mother. Neither would they miss me. They were strangers that I had taken residence up with to be provided with shelter. The family I had once had was gone and would never come back. But the more I thought about it, I really couldn't exactly trace when we'd been an actual family, we were more like a business transaction. They feed us; we act normal around their friends so they get brownie points for raising kids.

Inwardly, I shrugged; Max, the past is only brought up so you don't make the same mistake twice like Romans. So just…chill. Ha, if I practiced what I preached maybe I would be in a less fragile state of mind right now.

Ah…_that _is why I'm not religious; I'd have the whole faith crashing down on me with pitchforks before I even began speaking.

This place, once a haven now a prison I needed to be free from. I needed to find my true belonging, true home. The visions of joyful memories follow me from room to room so much that it only proves that this house is now just a vacant shell of what it used to be. It hurts sometimes to know that I could've ever been so happy and carefree and to have evolved into…_this_, a loveless, guarded person.

Pushing open the unusually heavy front door my feet made little impact as they trudged through the grass, bag slung comfortably on my shoulders as I set out to my destination. Good one Max, I was about as sure of where I was going as when the world would end (it _can't_ be 2010, it has to be earlier than that). But if anyone asked me, the world was already sunk in; when your own people turned against each other it was pretty obvious.

I had no home, no family, no friends, and most importantly nowhere to go yet I felt confident somehow that I would be a whole lot happier wherever I went. Maybe one day I'd even find someone to love me enough to stand by me forever. Right now though, even I wouldn't have wanted to be with me so that goal was pretty lofty.

It's funny how in the early light of the dawn everything seemed somehow…fresher, more wondrous with only the mixtures of red, orange and purple light to bathe in.

When I reached New York I'd probably get a small job; live underground, stay off the radar in other words. If by any chance my parents would actually try to find me or even the police would surely send me back home if I was caught. I had to be extra cautious. Trust _no_ _one_ because they all betray you in the end.

My walk went on for another thirty minutes as I made my way to through the outskirts of the city arriving in the parking lot of a small gray building. I tried to look as inconspicuous as possible as a fifteen year old-runaway-girl-wearing-an-over-sized-black-trench-coat can as I strode on.

I was met with warm brown eyes as I strolled into a dull and dark building. I came here often and Mrs. Martinez was incredibly kind making it feel more like home than anything else. At the beginning of the war she was the one who had held me while I cried yet never pried for information. Nowadays I kept my feeling bottled up, no more hour long sob fests for me. I would miss that.

"Hey sweetie, do you need anything?" She asked, eyes glowing with sincerity hidden her reading glasses. Silently shaking my head I took a seat on one of the creaky benches by the window, farthest from the door. Looking out a window always made me feel a little better, looking from the inside out as if you weren't a part of the madness going on around you. Even at this ungodly hour in the morning I could still make out a couple well, I don't want to say snogging because you know that just makes me sound way British but you get my point.

A sad smile graced itself upon my lips. Somehow I couldn't help but feel the least bit jealous, but I would never admit it. Not even to my conscience.

Checking the time on my cell phone I realized that it almost time to leave, 5 minutes. Going up to register counter inside this place I ordered a mocha frappachino and banana. What can I say, tons of caffeine mixed up into a small cup of sweety goodness was just my style.

I gave Mrs. Martinez a goodbye hug, not that she was aware that I wouldn't come through these doors again for what might be a lifetime. Breathing in her motherly scent, a mix of cinnamon and some sort of flower through her thick brown locks one last time and having to let go I wa ssure would be one the hardest things I would ever have to do.

_This is what a mother should be like._

Finally pulling away I ran out the door, a huge part of me crumbling inside.

Tears were rabidly increasing but I just blinked them back and swallowed the lump in my throat. I was acting like a baby, crying like this. How was I supposed to live alone and lonely for the rest of my life when I couldn't even let go of this dreadful one? There was already a long line forming just a few yards from the small café I had been in. Quickly getting in line I handed the conductor my ticket once I made it on to the platform.

_**Maximum Ride  
Age- 18  
Destination- Itex station, Chicago **__**to **__**Central Park station, New York**_

I was almost annoyed at the man for letting me past without complaint, not even giving me a once over! I mean, I wasn't _that_ freakishly tall! I brushed past two passengers who were arguing furiously about their honeymoon plans blah blah blah, so irritating.

Finding a cozy, unaccompanied seat on the top floor I tucked my duffel bag safely beneath my chair. The crisp autumn air cooled had frosted the glass, feeling achingly refreshing against my forehead. I rested my forehead against the cool glass of the window.

Felling myself drifting off, eyelids growing increasingly heavy I tried to jolt myself back into the land of the living. I was sick of being haunted by dreams but it was inevitable and almost immediately from the time I rested my head back on the window pane had escaped the pressure of my reality.

Believe me though, It wasn't like my own subconscious was much better because every single damn night I replayed the balmy and musical nights of summer over and over again. They were wonderfully joyful and exciting, like the rush of a straight drop from a rollercoaster but with the bitter taste of disappointment. You wait and wait for that brand new thrill ride and then realize that the experience was a mere ten seconds of adrenaline.

Something like drowning in the memory of a boy I couldn't remember.

Ironic, right?


	3. look outside and find the reasons why

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**look outside and find the reasons why**

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When I say I'm not a morning person, I'm dead serious. If anyone bothers me when I have to wake up early I swear the only thing keeping me from throwing them out the window is this _small_ little fact, I'm not that strong.

But you get the point. I attempted to blink back the heaviness of my eyelids but it was sadly not working. My vision was blurry, shapes and figures giving way to blurs. Maybe I should get glasses...Yeah right, I probably have the seeing capability of a cat proving that I _am_ a night person.

Not that I'm going to explain myself to anyone, _so_ not worth it.

Stifling a yawn I peered out the window to see or at the least try to see where I was and if this train was anywhere close to New York. I've never been anywhere outside the state though so it may not have been the most helpful tactic. The lack of control in my destination was starting to make me uneasy. I finally gave up after only fifteen seconds of staring.

I know what you're thinking; just ask someone if we close right? Being paranoid is the only reason I've lived through school (hell)

At the moment I highly doubted my brain was anywhere near ready to decipher the difference between a mound of dirt and _him_ (AKA psycho who belongs in the fiery pits of hell) running along the tracks like an idiot yet managing to look furious. Same difference anyways, he _is_ dirt.

He won't find me this time though. Why would he want me? I wasn't like my brother, that's all he wants. Someone who obeys his every word and has no morals or back bone at all. Now that I'm gone it will be so much easier for him. But no, he wouldn't let me be as I wished. That's why I was running, perfection was killing me. All my life I've wondered why he kept me...

I remembered crying myself to sleep when I was younger because of the awful noises coming from his office in the basement. I never asked about it though, I was afraid that I'd be in trouble if I did. Like, he'd lock me down there or something worse.

But that was when I was weak and naive, I wasn't the same girl anymore and those traits were something I would never miss.

Only as my eyes finally adjusted to the dim lighting in the train car did my brain actually start to wake up. And that same brain was registering the small space between me, the seat, and the window. Not good. My body was cramped and begging for freedom. Claustrophobia is not exactly one of my most admiring traits.

I kept my eyes focused on the patch on the seat in front of me trying to calm myself. Still my breathing grew shallow and the panic lodged itself deep inside my chest until I thought I would surely choke.

Fleetingly, I sprang up and dashed to the aisle…only to be knocked back down. Talk about kicking someone when their down.

I glanced up irritated from my fallen place on the cheap leather seat and was met with the frightened eyes of a child.

Wait, let me rephrase that. She wasn't exactly a _child _but with the wide, concerned Bambi eyes she was sending me made her seem much more childlike.

"I am so sorry! I was just…I….I was trying to get up to go get bottled water and I bumped into you. I didn't mean to wake you! I thought that if I wasn't here while you woke up then maybe you'd still let me sit with you. There were no other seats left so I had to sit with you. Not that I didn't want to sit 

with you. I just thought that you wouldn't want to sit with me by the way you were glaring in your sleep. I mean…. That's not bad but…"

I doubled over laughing hysterically cutting the girl in the middle of her lovely speech.

Sometimes I just can't help myself. I've always done what I want whenever I want so I haven't the least self restraint. This usually ends up being a bad thing though. I don't know why I found her guilt funny but I did, probably because in my 14 years of life I can count on 2 hands how many times people have apologized sincerely to me.

The fact that a girl that I didn't even know is saying sorry completed with the speech just showed how pathetic I was yet it made me feel good, like my existence mattered.

All this over a simple apology, I need serious help.

Not that I'd ever ask for it, my pride would never allow it.

When I had basically managed to get a grip I gave her a pleasant smile. "Sorry," I said sheepishly. Don't you just hate first impressions?

The girl nodded shyly and I could feel an awkward silence coming on. I racked my brain for topic conversations, then mentally smacking myself for my own stupidity. I don't even know this girl's name.

We must've both had the same epiphany because she began to introduce herself. "Uh, hi I'm Monique but I'd prefer if you call me Nudge," for an odd reason Nudge wouldn't meet my eyes, she really shouldn't be so obvious. I guess the clothes and back pack really gave it away.

An amused shadow of a smile played across my lips. "You're a runaway aren't you? My name's Max." I stated as if it was the most normal thing to do in the world. Talking to fugitives like myself.

Her head shot up in surprise at my nonchalant statement, visibly relaxed, and giving me a goofy smile.

"How'd you know?" she asked nervously. I just shrugged,

"Personal experience I guess, I am one." I wasn't exactly proud of doing this. If I hadn't been so afraid of losing myself and my sanity I never would've left. However desperate times call for desperate measures.

That's when I finally took a good look at Nudge's appearance. She had wild curly hair sticking out from her two long braids and dark skin. The clothes that she was wearing were faded from wear but they looked fairly normal.

Like me she also carried a back pack of some sort only hers was…ahem pink

Okay, okay, normal right? Did I forget to mention the scars and bruises adorning her body?

Guess not.

Inwardly I cringed; a fire raging inside that anyone could even bear to lay a finger on their own child. I wasn't _physically _abused but it hit a nerve inside me all the same. It had to be abuse. No one's that clumsy and I had a feeling this girl, Nudge seemed like the fragile, polite type.



But I couldn't say it was any better to ignore your child.

"Why'd you leave?" I asked in what I hoped was a casual tone but soon wanted smack myself. That was such a freaking personal question and I'd met this girl, what? One minute ago, two at the most? My only comfort was that this is probably how we runaways bond, share sobs stories and tales of impending woe.

Eh, I think I'm just going to stop thinking now.

At first glance she wasn't the kind to strike you as a runaway which is mainly why I asked, I told myself.

Her clothing was modern and mocha skin was glistening from a recent shower. The façade she wore made her appear ecstatic and carefree but that really didn't mean everything. I considered expressing your emotions a facade in itself because we were only covering up what we were truly feeling.

Not that I knew if I could trust much less see this girl ever again after we got off the train but there was that nagging feeling in the back of my mind.

Not a very reliable source to listen to though.

Self consciously she rubbed her palm up and her arm, gaze focused downward. Without meeting my eyes she answered in a voice barely above a whisper.

"My cousin…" was all Nudge would respond and by the evident vulnerability in her voice I realized it was obviously time to change the subject. I was shocked though and would have to ponder on what she said later.

"So…how's life?" I said lamely. Okay, not my most shining moment but it worked. Nudge giggled seemingly to have forgotten her past. Why dwell in the past when we now have an actual future to look forward to?

_Look who's talking_

"It's OK...I _guess_. I'm really nervous though, I've never even been to New York though." She confided. I nodded, I knew how she felt. Except, I couldn't think of anything to be nervous about, all you have to do is just steal one of those huge tourist books and your good to go.

_Neither have you_

"It's not that hard to blend in, you'll be fine, no one would suspect anything." I assured her. _Yeah,_ _especially since big cities are always made up of freaks and misfit._

It's what they thrive on.

_But you won't_

Nudge fidgeted nervously, looking as if she would implode any moment from lack of conversation. "Um…Max, why did you…uh… leave if you're a runaway?" she finally spat out. Her whole body was tensed and she didn't dare to look at my reaction. What did she think I was going to do to her? Wait, don't answer that.

_But you do know_

All the air escaped my lungs as I racked my brain for a reasonable answer. If it had been anyone else I would've flipped them off, I couldn't care less what people thought of me. But this was some kid who was looking at me with such innocent big brown eyes that I couldn't help but humor her.

Who said Max doesn't have a soft side?

There was no way I could tell her the whole truth though because that would just lead to more questions. And there was nothing I hated more than questions...ok, maybe there were a few other things I hated more but questions were right up there at the top of my list. I settled for the partial truth.

_You can't keep your feelings bottled up forever_

Shrugging I replied with one word that said everything and nothing at the same time.

"War,"

I sounded so detached saying that one word that I wasn't sure if I was the one who spoke. But that was confirmed when Nudge cautiously examined me to see if she could find out anything else besides that. Once satisfied she lounged back in the seat, a cheery smile making its way upon her face.

I was just _slightly_ irritated at her reaction; war wasn't something to smile about.

_Happiness can't last forever_

Anyone who didn't live under a rock, wait I take that back. Even insects knew about the war raging dangerously in the country and only a fool would press for details after being given my answer. Not that I knew the whole half of it. But why would I _want_ to know?

Like they say, curiosity killed the cat.

_But satisfaction brought him back_

"What are you going to do in New York once we get there? I mean if you're actually going there. But I for one have no clue what I'm going to do! Probably get something to eat. Yum," Nudge babbled enthusiastically.

I couldn't keep the grin off my face. I'd never met anybody so…happy. I would've thought that she'd be all fragile, scared and antisocial. I guess she proved me wrong. She actually reminded me a lot of my ten year old self that it was scary, annoying and bubbly yet somehow just bearable.

There was a part of me that wanted to trust this girl, to stick with her and be friends. Look out for each other. But there was another part of me, a piece of me I've followed all my life was telling me that was a very bad idea that, she would just drag me down. It was a cruel voice, telling me I could barely take care of myself.

_Learn to trust again_

I scowled, deeply irritated at the freaking voice in my head telling me this stuff. It's not like every day I have a voice in my head pointing out the negative stuff in my life, I do a pretty good job of that myself on a daily basis.

Naturally as a pessimist, it's my job. Actually it wasn't necessarily pointing out the negative but contradicting everything I thought if you wanted to get all technical.

Nudge mistook my scowl as something else because she began to rant again. I could tell she did that when she was nervous.

"Or…you don't have to tell me. Maybe you're like a top secret spy on an important mission and you can't let anybody follow you or know where you're going. …" Oh for the love of...it only took that one ridiculous sentence for me to make up my mind. That's it, screw my Plan A. It seems _fate_ has a different one and is becoming very persistent.

How do I get myself into these situations? I'm no saint, I swear and have a temper and all that jazz but I can't say I'm a particularly bad person. I try my best not to piss people off (can't say it works), stick up for the weak (this is where this pissing people off comes in), and I always give the little pigeons the rest of my lunch. What more can you ask for?

"No I was just thinking, spacing out happens to me a lot," I said sheepishly. "I don't know what I'll do either, taking it one step at a time seems to work for me."

All of the sudden the train jerked to a stop sending Nudge and I flying forward.

"We have officially survived the trip to the Big Apple. Yay," I said dryly, she giggled.

And _yet, _despite all my semi-saintliness I'm going to end up towing along a twelve year old girl in my quest for...ah hell. I'd just hopped on a train to New York and forget to give myself a purpose? I was definitely losing touch.

Walking off that train with nothing but a backpack and my sanity felt surprisingly good. Glancing back I saw Nudge standing at the entrance looking young and lost.

With a new-found acceptance of freaking destiny or whatever you wanted to call it I called to her. "C'mon Nudge, we'll just barely make it to the concert playing in the park."

Her unruly hair whipped in the wind as she turned around to face me. Practically glowing, Nudge skipped across the grass towards me.

Yeah, you heard me. She _skipped_, as in Little Red walking in the forest skipping.

I met her joyful expression with a small, sad smile. She really didn't know what she was in for and maybe that was why I was taking pity on her. But that didn't mean we were going to be best friends forever which I was going


	4. no place to go

I have to hurry; I have to go in less than 5 minutes to go part_aaay _and will barely get this up!

_-Ash_

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**no place to go**

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Whoever said diamonds were a girl's best friend has _obviously_ never tasted chocolate before.

Eyes closed, I savored the bittersweet taste the ice cream possessed as it melted in my mouth. There was something seriously addicting about it and I didn't care if it gave me acne and I gained fifty pounds, there was no way would part with it.

Hmmm, I wonder if you can get married to an inanimate object. Bleh, I'll figure it out later when I'm

The absolute best suggested comfort food. This world could use some more of that.

Craning my head I could see that Nudge was doing the opposite of what I was doing just five seconds ago with her vanilla cone. Instead of small licks she preferred to take it in huge bites pausing in between.

Shadows cast themselves upon her face as twilight rapidly approached. Red, orange, and green leaves sheltered us, darkening our temporary hideout. Which reminds me, where the heck were we going to sleep?!

Yet even with this important fact to think about I couldn't help myself and grinned upon seeing the expression on her face, a mixture on pain and bliss, brain freeze!

"What?" she asked, oblivious to my amusement.

"Nothing," I answered easily. We sat there swinging our legs over the branches and finishing the last of our sticky treats.

It was a comfortable silence which both surprised and confused me although Nudge didn't seem to notice. Usually I got one of three reactions when someone either met or looked at me.

A) Gives me a weary glance and slowly begins to back away

B) Shoots me a _pitying _(like I need it) look and slowly walks away or treats me like a freaking five year old (personally I'd choose option A over this)

And then of course there's good ole'...

C) Passes without another thought yet when they "think" (which they don't) that I'm out of hearing range begin to snicker and gossip about the freaky depressed girl with their brainless friends.

Doesn't knowing that you're a form of mutant entertainment for everyone just bring sunshine and roses to your day?

Yeah, me too.

So when Nudge just started talking and treating me like any other person when we first met on the train I was confused. She could have a ton of friends twice as better as…well, _me_. And if she could read my earlier thoughts I can guarantee she would not be sitting there swinging her legs and humming right now.

I'm not usually a brooding kind of person; I prefer to move on and _try_ to forget the past. Not that it ever works, but I try and that's what counts right? Yet I couldn't let this go as stupid as it may seem. Nudge was the closest human contact I've had in what seems like forever. These situations require serious..._pondering_, yeah, yeah, that's what I'm doing.

Do you ever have those moments where you're thinking _way _too hard for your own good and become oblivious to the world around you?

This might be completely common for some people but then again I'm not exactly the definition of normal. My senses are always on high alert, tensed and ready for action, if there ever _was_ any action.

So when I space out we have a big problem.

_'Why_?' you may ask. Hmmm…I don't know, maybe….there's always the possibility of falling out of trees because of the annoying girl screaming in your ear?

"OMG!! He's so totally looking at you!!" Nudge squealed, blowing my ear drums and catching me off guard I let out a yelp of surprise.

She was so close that the excitement radiating from her was nearly tangible. What is she talking about? I glanced down but my swaying wasn't exactly helping my vision and the first thing her words triggered in my mind was,

_Ugh, now I have to deal with a_ stalker_?_

_Then_, I found out the hard way that the height we were at was making me queasy and that her scream had startled me.

Attempting to keep my balance on the giant oak we had perched ourselves on in the middle of Central Park, I teetered on the edge of the rough bark. The funny part though is that Nudge just kept babbling on, oblivious to the dangerous situation I was in.

"You have _got to_ see him Max! He's all hooded and mysterious and cool and calm and just totally hot!"

Note to self: Next time you go somewhere really high hire a spotter because hot guys are so much more important

That is, if there was a next time.

Nausea swept over me as I watched the now blurry outlines of citizens strolling through the park. I felt completely handicapped at that moment, helpless as how to save myself. My irrational fear of heights was horrible, causing me to lose control.

I will only say this once; this was the most incredibly _**stupid, dumb butt **_idea that I've ever come up with so far.

Yeah Max, let's climb to the _very_ top of the _tallest_ tree in the park.

But I refused to send a prayer to God, only luck decides a person like me fate's now. I don't believe in God, the ancient Greek and Roman stories about Goddesses and Gods are fun to read but they never helped when I needed them most. I guess that's the wrong thing for me to say at a time like this though. Bad luck always did follow me like an unwanted sibling.

I screamed for only a second as my legs slipped out from beneath me but the air in my lungs was lost from the force of the wind and the branches clawing with a passion.

There was a distant screaming, shrill and unfamiliar.

I was falling.

Have you ever wondered why they say goodbye cruel world? Honestly, I think it should be goodbye cruel fate.

I've never truly fallen before, like _fallen_. It's hard to explain, but it feels so much more different than just falling down the stairs or off a ladder. For one thing, you know what's coming, you know where you're landing, and I didn't.

But there's this sense of dread, of anticipation, and fear. But all of a sudden it all just goes fades away and your left with this almost scary calm and excepting demeanor.

Almost like giving up. After fighting everyone who tried to be a part of my life it felt good to let go.

I even had this insane urge to throw out my arms, welcoming the never-ending darkness with open arms.

The wind whipped through my body harshly, tearing at what hope I had left.

No one would care if I was gone…

_You idiot! Do something! Don't give up!_

That was when I snapped out of my sorrow filled trance... and realized I was 5 seconds away from becoming a sidewalk pancake.

Shutting my eyes tight and braced myself for the minute of agonizing pain and after that nothing.

But no, nothing can ever be that easy?

My chest and…well, I guess _everything_ collided into something hard and stiff. Yet it was nothing like cement. This was somewhat softer, warmer too and moving.

Unless of course, some demonic creature was pulling me down into the fiery pits of hell with hoodie clad arms. As freaky as the world is right now I will not go against my beliefs and say that actually believe that kind of stuff.

This only leaves me with one conclusion…

I'm screwed.

C'mon, how am I supposed to have any freaking control over my own life if some stupid guardian angel of sorts keeps sending me miracles?!

After this I'm _seriously_ going to have to set reality straight.

Strong arms gripped my body protectively as we both crashed into the grass, rolling until the momentum of my fall subsided. Even after all movement ceased I still felt like I was falling, my body felt too light. I felt like if I tried to sit up the world would come crashing on me, breaking my fragile body.

I knew subconsciously that the world was still going on, still turning yet I felt as if I and my savior were the only ones.

Cheesy, I know but with the dead silence and stillness between us I began to fear that I had killed him.

That's assuming it's a guy.

Only daring to open my eyes a crack I was met with the dark fabric of a t-shirt stretched over nicely built muscles. I quickly shut them when I realized what I just thought, a light blush spreading across my cheeks.

I knew of course that I was lying on a guy I didn't even know and he could be some psycho, killer, freak with twisted motives for saving me. Yet I didn't move a muscle because a part of my mind refused to believe that could be true.

Refused that the world could that twisted as to have someone save me only to murder at the next chance he got.

Although I would never admit it to anyone else I felt truly safe, comfortable, and fully content for the first time since…

_'No, don't go there'_ I told myself, tears threatening my vision.

It must've looked like I was unconscious or dead or something because the guy abruptly sprang up cradling me in his arms. His breathing was labored, making slight hisses noises when he breathed in and it struck me.

Holy crap, this guy practically took my 1,000 ft. drop!

At first I had been grateful but now I wanted to kill this guy. How dare he save me?! I bet he _knew _that I would be all frazzled, having no clue how to take this. Strangers don't save random homeless girls! It just doesn't work that way! And now he was hurt nonetheless, all because of me...

No, there's no one left in this world that truly cares about people like that, not anymore. It's…I mean…it can't…impossible!

_Bitter laughing…_

_Fire raging…_

'…_you're just a worthless piece of shit, no one cares anymore'_

_Tears…_

_Blood…_

_Nothing…_

Just when I thought I would surely brake down and lose my cool I was brought back with the distinct feeling of someone shaking my shoulders.

My hazel eyes shot open and I barely suppressed a scream at how close this guy was. His face was mere inches from mine, so much that I could feel his hot breath on my cheek, making me flush all the way to my collarbone.

He was a teenager, that I was certain. He appeared to be my age, a little older maybe? Wearing ripped baggy jeans and clad with a black hoodie.

Dark hair spilled onto his shoulders, straight with a faint sheen. His features were nicely defined and if I wasn't the psychic I-can-guess-everything-about-you-and-be-right freak then I would've thought him to be older.

The most frustrating thing though?

I couldn't see his eyes.

Stupid, not exactly...or at least not to me that is. I have this philosophy that not many people believe in anymore, something people think you use only as an exaggerating saying in a story.

A person's eyes are the window to their soul. It's true and as long as I knew that I didn't give a damn about what others thought.

Just by doing that I could see if he was trust worthy. When the world is against you it helps to have some allies which this guy had _somewhat_ proved to me by saving my life. Not that I had wanted to be saved but you get the picture.

So I did the smartest thing you could do to fix that. I reached up and brushed the hair away from his eyes.

I took a sharp intake of breath when I saw him. Oh my God, his eyes, the piercing gaze, it was so familiar…I closed my eyes and counted to three slowly before I did something I would surely regret later.

I could already tell one thing about Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome over here though.

He had the whole girl population wrapped around his finger. And you know what that means for me…

I just have to be the oddball out….so I refused to even think about the way his disheveled hair drapes in front of his eyes and how incredibly hot it was.

Shit.

I shook my head attempting to rid myself of such thoughts. This seemed to bring the boy out of his trance like state and a smirk played on his lips but was gone so fast I wasn't sure I had even seen it.

All good things don't last when it comes to guys and me. It was like he had mind reading abilities, like he could see how much of a freak I truly was. Or was it just my past that freaked him out? I wouldn't blame him.

Whatever it was that he realized at the moment I could only infer that it was obviously bad.

His shoulders stiffened, body tensing as he gently pulled away. Bouncing to his feet I was left sprawled out on the grass with a bewildered expression like the dork I am.

"Leave now," he hissed not even bothering to look in my direction instead watching some unseen force.

With only those last words, not even a name he was sprinting off into the street dodging cars and earning honks. I won't lie, I was a little hurt. I don't know, somehow I had expected…more.

For a few moments I lay there, stunned by his sudden appearance and equally as sudden leave. With each passing second my irritation grew until I was completely pissed. What the heck is that guy's mental problem? Does he have _no_ consideration for anyone's feelings?

I did not take orders very well. Even if it _was_ from some random cute guy who saved me.

Like hell was I going to leave, I would even sleep here if I felt like it!

As I stood up and brushed myself off all the while checking for any serious damage I realized just how eerily quiet it was.

Suspiciously I turned around searching for the signs of life and bantering of people that had been going on not five minutes ago. Only instead when I turned around I was met with a cruel, vicious smile.

And this time, I screamed.


	5. she's falling from grace

****

A/N

Edited 9/14/08

MWAH HA HA! I AM SO INCREDIBLY HYPER! Dancing+ Screaming+ Talking all Night with Crush Happy! Don't worry, I'm done now

I have to work on the stupid science fair. _-gags-_

_-Ash_

* * *

-

-

**she's falling from grace**

-

-

Feet cemented to the ground, I couldn't move, couldn't freaking _breathe_. No matter how much I wanted to it was as if I had lost all control.

My chest began to tighten and my insides were churning. Everything in my vision was going blurry. I'd only felt like this once before in my whole and generally avoided dwelling on that period in time.

The feeling was fear.

Ironic really, fear is something the mind creates and your imagination takes care of the rest. But yet there I was, the one time I'd ever been struck by fear and I couldn't even bloody run!

I was almost positively sure about one thing; this guy couldn't be for real. I felt like someone would come up with a camera, laughing about how I thought their Hollywood movie was real. Yet, as I stared into his eyes my instinct said differently.

Remember what I said about the eye thing? His were the color of blood, not a murky or faded red, as if they were bloodshot. No, these were bright and burning, a sea of color lacking an iris and pupil. A sneer marred his beautiful face as he pulled back his hand.

I cried out as his knuckles came into contact with my cheek, stumbling and falling back. Tears sprang to my eyes at the sharp stinging and throbbing in the whole right side of my face.

While I tried to get a hold of myself the cruel man sauntered over to me and I took a good look at him all the while awkwardly standing up, attempting the art of subtly running away.

Is there such a thing?

Slick black hair, perfectly sculpted porcelain skin, and uniform fitting snugly like a model's caused me to hesitate though.

Did I forget to mention that same uniform was that of an NYC cop?

Even after hearing from everyone all my life that you're supposed to _trust _the police, that they'll _protect_ you I wasn't all that surprised. I knew one day they'd snap, turn around and try to kill you.

I'll admit though, I was shocked by how low they had stooped. Wow, first sexually assaulting innocent girls on abandoned highways and now attacking with force…

And guns…

And wolfs…

And...wait, wolfs, since when?! I didn't even know that was legal! It sucks when the FBI is after you.

But sure enough on all fours there they were, a pack of rabid wolf/monster things literally foaming at the mouth poised to leap, the only thing holding them back was an invisible leash.

That was likely to snap any second now.

As the man lunged towards me I surprised myself by just barely dodging it. Using only instinct I whirled around, caught his arm and twisted it giving him a good kick to the stomach.

Hearing the satisfying sound of air whooshing out of his lungs I was prepared for his next move. Or so I thought.

Giving me a malicious smile the man sprinted towards my direction in what I assumed was going to be a blow to the head. But right as I was about knock him in the face the fight was twisted…in more ways than one.

Only a foot away from me the man jumped, actually flew might be a better term. He soared right above my head in what could only be called a Superman pose. The ground was almost at his hands when he changed.

I swear it was almost the exact replica of that one werewolf movie, what was it? Blood and Hershey? Veins and Chocolate?

I watched with wide eyes not exactly one hundred percent sure I wasn't dreaming or at the very least having a mental breakdown. A nightmare would've been a reasonable explanation also although my shadow would've come out to save me by now if that was the case.

Nails turned to claws, skin transformed into fur, and teeth sharpened along with an enormous muzzle. I was witnessing a werewolf mutation…or at least as close as you could get to one.

The creature that had seconds ago been a man landed with a light thud on the grass and as my eyes met it's yellow ones I suddenly felt sick.

I spun around but my attempt at running away was cut short as another model, more huge and burly than the last gripped the sides of my arms. Panic coursed through my veins as if I was an animal being caged.

I struggled with a furious passion but he didn't even so much as glance at me in his robot stance and his grip never loosened if not it tightened.

I grimaced at my last and only option, but a girl's got to do what a got to do. It was a weak a last resort and just showed you how incredibly pathetic I was. Sucking a deep breath I mustered up the last of my strength and kneeded the man right where the sun don't shine if I do say so myself.

At the desperate point that I had reached, barely able to move my limbs considering the loss of circulation in them, pathetic was what I was aiming for.

The macho man doubled over, his expression carefully masked in what I could only imagine as pure agony but I didn't stay long to see what his next reaction would be because I had already taken off in a sprint that would've made an Olympics track coach proud.

I was running so fast over the ground and too deep in concentration to feel pain, my legs practically numb and weightless.

'_Gotta find Nudge, Gotta find Nudge;'_ was the only thought going through my mind, although putting as much distance between me and those monsters was up there at the top of my list too.

Ok, last time I saw her she was up on the tree top. Now if I was still up there where would I have gone? I think I just gave myself a trick question, that's so wrong.

What next; talking to myself, voices in my head?

Then it hit me; almost too literally seeing as I almost ran into the tree in front of me. Duh, it was so obvious I could've smacked myself. But that's not exactly a smart thing to do when you're on the run from _things_ that want to kill you.

Trying my best not to sound like a herd of elephants I skidded to a stop after easily locating the same oak that had condemned me in the first place.

My eyes darted around nervously watching for anyone who would possibly be able to see me. I measured the space between me and The Police (so sue me, they were just asking for their name to be capitalized) which was lessening at a scary pace.

The palms of my hands were sweating with anticipation as I slowly but surely began my long ascension.

The bark felt rough under my palms, occasional scratching and breaking the skin. I skillfully caught all the right branches and dips in the trunk, being careful to avoid the areas where the shelter of the leafy canopy was thinner.

At first I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. Gradually my pace started to lack and all of a sudden my eyelids began to flutter and the weight of my body was so…incredibly…heavy. My grip was slipping but at the last second caught myself.

Inwardly I scolded myself for being weak. _'I can do this, just a little while left I'm so close.'_ I pushed on with only my feeble attempts at ignoring the exhaustion I was feeling.

After what seemed to be hours and all my energy later I could no longer make out the ground below.

"Max!" my breath hitched as a wave of relief washed through me. Thank the skies she stayed up here or else I don't what I would've done.

But I _do_ know it would've somehow involved a giant rock and chain saw.

Ever since Nudge had stepped off that train with me it was as if I now held some sort of responsibility to watch over her. I knew she would never make it in the runaway world, even after what life's done to her. She's too naïve and faint of heart.

Maybe being on her own would've have helped her independence and everything but I've learned a little too late that once you build those barriers around your heart,

It's hard to let them go.

Wordlessly I swung myself into the crook of the ancient tree branch. For a few moments there was nothing, just silence save for the tingling over my skin and a heartbeat echoing loudly in my ears.

"Max," Nudge asked more weakly this time, sounding almost afraid to break the silence. I regarded her calmly and twisted my body so that I was facing her.

"Yeah," I replied lazily then as an afterthought said, "You okay?"

She nodded slowly, her eyes frightened. I had never seen anyone look so fragile before, the way the last of the day's light made the shadows under her eyes appear larger, how her petite frame shivered in the light breeze, and how her limbs just couldn't seem get a good grip on the tree trunk.

Right then she looked just like so much more like a twelve year old than a runaway and my heart ached in a way that it shouldn't for someone I hardly knew.

"What were those things? Why weren't the cops doing anything?" Nudge questioned and the truth was I didn't know either. I rubbed my forehead in frustration.

"I don't know Nudge, I just…don't know." The day's events had exhausted me but I knew I wouldn't be able to rest, at least not yet.

"We have to keep moving. They'll figure out that we're up here eventually and then where will we be? Not a pretty place that's for sure. We'll have to be careful, best case scenario: we get to the subways tunnels before its pitch black." I explained, conjuring what last bit of determination I had in me.

"Ok." With that we were off. Slowly but surely I began to descend, cautious as to where I placed my foot and on the lookout for easy drops. Easy, being jumping and hoping that you grab for the branch and don't miss.

I was about seven feet from the ground about to jump it when wouldn't you guess? I just got another one of those pleasant surprises that I've been getting all day.

It was someone had taken a knife and was repeatedly jabbing it in my back, twisting it around. I suppressed my cry and let myself fall into a broken heap on the grass. I didn't dare move to be only rewarded with more fire. Yeah, that's the only way to describe the incredible pain I was feeling, fire.

Suddenly another set of footfalls could be heard as someone raced over to me. "What happened? You're bleeding!" Nudge's panicked words resounded in my ears but I barely heard it. Though she sounded very distant all I could hear was _'You're bleeding!'_

What could've happened? I know I didn't land on anything sharp once the stabbing pain came. It wasn't even that big of a drop…

Oh my god…idiot_, _idiot_, __you damn idiot! _Out of all the ways to die this hadn't been the one I had in mind. I groaned, not only from now throbbing back but also because of my now bleak future.

"Max…Max….Max, say something!!" Nudge screamed temporarily bringing me back to reality.

I sat up instantly and stood up, stumbling and trying to keep my balance, shocking myself at the same time by how fast I had gotten on my feet.

This wasn't a very good idea.

Before I knew it I was seeing red and the searing pain was now flowing throughout my whole body. I whimpered and made one last attempt to push all feeling aside.

"Tu...hel…now," I managed to force out in between gasps. She hesitated, sizing me up with a doubtful look. Sticky, warm blood was now oozing down my arm and onto the hand that lay limp at my side while the other one Nudge had swung over her shoulder as soon as my injury worsened.

We hobbled down the road, taking back roads and short cuts, avoiding civilians at all costs. Yet even the ones who saw us only stopped with a single glance until continuing on their way. _Morons_, shows you what the world's been reduced to when an almost dead girl can't even get proper help.

The minutes dragged on, taking the last of my will with it them. Nudge was pretty much pulling me along by now, helpless and scared. My body felt so heavy and all I wanted to do was lie on the curb and take a nice, long nap.

I was the first one to see it and was so happy that I just about cried upon seeing it.

It couldn't have been more welcoming even if it had been shoved right in my face. The sign seemed to glow even in its depressive glory. The sign read 'Subways Tunnels…' but I couldn't read the rest not because was vision was beginning to go blurry. Not that I needed to, that was all the information I needed.

Nudge would be safe; she would find some friends and have a better life than she'd ever dreamed.

I was officially giving up now that there was nothing left of value to hold on in the real world.

My limbs were now too heavy for my weak and frail body to support as I came crashing down on to the cold cement.

I don't know if the bright light were angels or another train. I didn't know if the screaming and honking were real. I didn't if I was going die or live. I didn't know if I wasn't _already_ dead.

Sometimes you just can't win. Even when you're so close to victory…


	6. she's losing her faith

_Screaming._

"_Get her away!"_

_Shouts._

"_Who is she?"_

_Sigh._

"_Erasers,"_

_Sobbing_

"_Hide…"_

I drifted in and out of consciousness, hanging onto life by a thread. How I knew I was alive? I didn't know actually but if this was death than I think I'd rather be a ghost. Too much pain…too much sorrow. On and off I heard the cries of people, of children.

Finally I fully awoke, resisiting the urge to moan. My entire being throbbed and ached, the soreness was preventing me from moving. Not that I would want to do that; I could only imagine what kind of hell hole I was in now. From what I'd over heard and the blur of pictures that had been playing before my eyes when I had had the strength to open them was not pretty.

I couldn't believe that I had actually forgotten about the wound I'd obtained while still at my house. Opening up a stab wound that had never fully healed to begin with was something extremely stupid to forget to do.

Sadly though, stupid is my middle name.

Staying down and pretending to be asleep would've been the rational thing to do. But did I? Of course not! Especially once I fully regained my senses and get this….realized I was on a _bed_.

Hey, you would've done the same thing. I was an underage girl in something that probably resembled something like a hospital. Not good at all. There's so much security in those places that they'd find out I was a runaway in the blink of an eye and not to mention there was always the possibility of running into some creepy model guys again.

I bolted up in the bed, flinging the sheets of my legs, adrenaline already pumping its way into my blood. The room was pitch black, it was freaky I couldn't even see my fingers. Remember what I said about my amazing seeing capabilities? Yeah, that's what was beginning to freak me out. It was like I had gone _blind_.

Squinting into the darkness I tried to make out any shapes or colors that could identify my location. No such luck though, I searched until my eyes began to throb with the excess effort. I pounded my hands into the bed in frustration. Can't _anything_ ever be easy?

Hopping off the sheets I could only hope that my eyes would soon adjust to the darkness. I dropped to my hands and knees, crawling around and searching for an exit to civilization. I muffled a scream when I knocked something over (a binder of some sort) onto my back.

The sharp corner pierced into my skin even through the tourniquet wrapped around my torso. Trying to remain calm, I breathed slowly, exhaling in short hisses.

It was impossible measure the size of the room by touch only but from I could tell it was huge. The room emitted a putrid smell, like something had just walked in and died, bleh, and a mixture of rotten leaves burning in a bon fire.

For about five minutes I felt my way through the darkness and finally stood up concluding three things.

1) I was in a hospital. Although the room I was in smelled _nothing_ like one I could tell. The floors were spotless, not a speck of dirt and the blanket covering the bed I had been resting on was way too thin. Plus, the scent of antiseptic and cleaner lingered.

2) I was in a storage room of sorts. There were bars and wheels coming up from the floor not to mention how cluttered it felt with all the stuff I could feel in it. The room felt too impersonal.

3) Someone was coming.

Panic took on a whole meaning as soon as the faint echoing of taps registered in my mind. It coursed through my blood, causing my hands to shake. The very thought of a doctor even near sickened me and sent another wave of supposedly unnecessary fright to my already frayed nerves.

Although the room had before seemed huge and spaced now the air was now too thick and the walls too close, even if I couldn't make out the outline of them I could still sense their nearby presence.

Mustering the last shred of rational thinking I possessed I scouted the room for an exit. Preferably an emergency exit because this definitely counted as an emergency.

I came up with nothing though for the only way out would be through the entrance on the other side. Under the crack of the door an eerie yellow light glowed, beckoning me to it.

I sighed, always the hard way. Getting down into a runner's stance I darted towards the shiny, metal door.

My face was only inches away from being smashed when I skillfully grabbed for the handle and yanked my only escape open. Intent on my plan to sprint down the halls and hope for the best I didn't even notice that I had yet _another _obstacle to overcome and let me say something, it wasn't going to be easy.

Why am I constantly being run into! Hasn't anybody heard of personal space? I would've thought most people would've known about the personal bubble by now. But no, whether it's Tall, Dark, and _**rude**__ or creepy police guy I just couldn't get a break._

So why should Blondie give me one?

The next thing I knew I was ramming into a teenager around my age but like ten feet taller. OK, maybe that was a _little_ exaggerated on my part but you get my point.

We crashed into opposite sides of the hall, the metal making a loud clang as the impact was made. I cried out seeing as my injured back had yet to heal. And probably never _would_ if I kept this up.

I lay there panting watching him with a hawk's eye while the boy just sat there with a calm and somewhat puzzled expression. He had disheveled, long_ish _blond hair. To compliment his eyes were blue, nothing totally suspicious.

But as I searched his eyes for some type of clue or threat I noticed that the coloring was slightly off. They were murky and graying around the edges, appearing to be seeing everything and nothing all at once.

I knew by the way his body posture was and the way he wasn't blurting out random excuses that he couldn't be guilty of anything but still he wouldn't meet my eyes. Even after I stared straight at him, not bothering to hide my impatience and anger.

I scanned the corridors, looking to see if anyone was coming. Holy Crap!! I can't believe I forgot!

_Re: Work on the whole memory thing and get checked for Alzheimer_

Fleetingly I stood up remembering my mission once more to get out of this hospital. The worst part was I didn't even have a fairly good excuse for delaying and most likely speeding up my death. Yeah, let's sit with the hospital staff and enjoy the awkward turtles!

All suggestions about the boy just being oblivious were out the window as soon as I took a step because at an almost inhuman speed he shot up from the floor blocking my path.

My patience had _officially_ boiled over by now and I especially didn't have time for this kid right now. I would dwell on his alieness when I wasn't in an emergency situation.

"What do you think you're doing?! Do you _want _to die?" And he talks! His voice was about a medium tone but still boyish. Not as deep as mystery man had been. Hmm, I should really give that guy a permanent name. Focus Max, getting off topic.

The blonde boy narrowed his blue orbs at me as if I should be reacting in some other way then just standing in the middle of a deserted of the hall dumbly. But the truth was I didn't know what to expect. In Chicago I had lived, to say the least a sheltered life.

I was rarely allowed to watch TV, pretty much all books save for Winnie the Pooh (which I'm still not sure was completely pure) I was forbidden to read, and I didn't even learn what naïve meant until the 7th grade.

Did that mean I was completely innocent, no, of course not. But whatever I knew about the world now was from experience and the fine art of eavesdropping.

That left me with little options of knowledge because I wouldn't exactly call the self centered girls' gossip at my old school viable information.

Whether what this stranger was saying about me asking for a death wish was true or not I didn't trust him. He had come from the same place I would probably meet my demise. I wasn't taking any chances.

While he towered over me appearing powerful and also irritated I decided to make a break for it. I darted to the side as to mislead him by going the other direction at the last second. With a devilish grin I sprinted through the corridors but I hadn't even made it to civilization when I was captured and tossed over the blonde boy's shoulder.

I blew up. That was _THE_ last straw.

If I wasn't so worried about making myself known by older more experienced hospital staff I would've been screaming. So I just settled for kicking and banging on his back.

"You idiot, put me down! I am a _person, not _a sack of potatoes you can carry and dispose of at your will!" I whisper/screamed at him, the sound vibrating off the metallic walls.

He didn't respond but instead tossed me around so that he was now holding me bridal style. Although in this position it would've been easier to get away he kept me like this only tightening his grip.

"Better?" he asked dryly. Craning my neck, I glared at him. It didn't faze him one bit so I averted my attention to where we were going.

I groaned when I figured it out, we were heading back the way I had so furtively tried to run from.

There was no conversation only movement as he strode on and eventually reached the ominous room on the other side of the hall. Effortlessly he pushed the door open, letting it slam behind us. Then without putting me down Blondie flipped a sort of switch and lights that had been nonexistent before flickered on, eluminating the room with a dim, orange light.

As you might've guessed I'm not exactly that prim and proper girl who screams at the first speck of dirt they see on their brand new designer jeans or is stuck in a place that would be considered a little more G rated.

You could even go as far as to say that I was the _opposite_ of that girl.

But as soon as I turned around and my eyes adjusted to the sudden light I couldn't help but scream, a choked scream that was halfway between a horrified sob.

All around corpses of people were laid out on metal slabs, _children_ no older than five were here looking pale and disfigured. Almost every…_person_ had an injury of some kind. Bile rose in my throat thinking about how someone could do this.

Some eyes were still open, staring blankly at a ceiling and world they would never see again. The tears pooled in my eyes, _what was this place?_ Whatever it was I didn't like it, I wanted familiarity back. I wanted to see the mean posse's of girls strutting in the streets, the only real threats. I wanted a place where people weren't so confusing and you didn't have to decide whether someone was trustworthy.  
I wanted answers.

This was no morgue. This was something far more sinister. The injuries were precise and clean. The coloration of skin ranged, not just white and black. No, some had a seaweed green skin color or a pinkish tint.

"Why'd you bring me here?" I questioned, my voice cracking at the end. I shot daggers at the boy. Ignorance is bliss, and I had just lost it. His expression was serious, with arms crossed and firm posture he looked intimidating.

"To show you, to explain you don't seem to have any idea of what's going on." He stated matter-of-factly. Blondie strode over to me; only inches away I could feel the tension that was building between us.

"Do you know that there's a war going on?" he questioned but hardly gave me time to answer so I swiftly nodded my head, something about his serious demeanor was otherworldly and slightly frightening.

"Do you know _why _this war is going on?" He had begun to pace, eyes focused ahead,but mind in a whole different world. Surprisingly…I didn't. I knew that there was a terrible war raging and that it had torn my "family" and I apart but I didn't even know who it was between. Ashamed, I weakly shook my head.

"That's what I thought. It's a civil war, sick people are killing their own civilians and no one's doing anything to stop it. The cruelness is spreading like an epidemic into other countries. Friends are turned against each other and children are influenced into a whole different type of racism. Did you hear that? People are killing because of their race and because they are frightened by things they don't understand." He ranted, not acknowledging my presence anymore.

I didn't understand, I _couldn't_ understand. He was being too vague, explaining things that I couldn't piece together. "Who?! What are you talking about?!" I yelled in frustration.

He stopped pacing and all was deadly quiet, I didn't dare breathe. The world waited as his eyes slowly met my mine. The grayish blue orbs were filled with so much pain that I regretted asking.

"Mutants…freaks," he whispered, I strained to hear the rest. "They've become more common. Some are created by labs, experiments…guinea pigs. Others are just born like it. The population of humans like this has increasingly grown and once news came 'round that "_freaks"_walk among us everyone panicked. I think you can figure out the rest."

At the end of his speech he averted his gaze downwards only to snap them upwards but they were no longer filled with pain but a raging fire….which could always go both ways.

"In this new world you have to choose or else you won't be alive much longer. I knew the first time I saw you that you were undecided, confused. Think about it. Fight for the mutants, come with me." His once soft voice became cold as he continued. "If you fight for the humans then go down the passage and you'll figure out the rest."

With one last lingering glance he began to walk away further into the room where it was too dark to see from over here. I had to make up my mind but even before he told me to I had already known my answer. I'd known it all along.

I sprinted to catch up with the boy, walking by his side. After a moment of comfortable silence he twisted his head around to give me a full blown smile.

"We better get out of here, the security probably breached minutes ago. You'll meet my friends later and a guy who'll you'll definitely want to hang around. I have a feeling you're going to need help."

He said as if this was such a normal thing to be doing, walking out with a near stranger. Maybe it was.

"By the way, the name's Iggy." I cracked a slight smirk upon hearing his name. I couldn't wait to meet his friends, this should be interesting.

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**A/N **Thanx to My Reviewers…!  
**cat-head21,** _Crimson Courreges_**, gummy bears and me,** _disneydork_**, dreamtofly, **_Eimi_**, EyeOfTheTiger, **_mayniac_**, meepisms  
**_Pyromaniac-Girl_**, SilverwingedSacrifice, **_PrepGonePunk_**, whatever95,** _wyvern-song_

You ALL are AMAZING! I'm not really satisfied with this chappie. I personally like the last half better than the first but whatever.

Disclaimer: -_rolls eyes-_ DON"T own Maximum Ride

_Who here listens to music while they write…..or type?_

-_SKYE_-


	7. be stong now

**A/N** Edited 9/14/08

Someone, SOMEONE PLEASE hit me a frying pan! –_bangs_ _heads on keyboard- _This is so late it's not even funny

_I was playing this game, Chicken Invaders and I get to this one level, right? And it's called, Speak Softly And Carry A Big Pan, WTH! What had this world come to, more poof we are all going insane! YAY!_

_-SKYE-_

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**be strong now**

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Silence, it was a wonderful sound…at least for me.

We walked in a comfortable silence, matching stride for stride. The stars were barely there through the dark but the city lights shone bright and wove a pathway of excitement throughout the whole city.

I was invisible which usually wouldn't have bothered me but with Iggy by my side and remembering my little scene in the street earlier, nobody bothering to help me I began to feel uneasy and vulnerable.

Why were these people like this? Did they think I was one of the mutants? Geez, racist much, but it wasn't like I actually _was_ one though. I was simply taking their side but the thought that they just _assumed _I was a mutant meant that I would be refused help. That they could've just let me _die,_

"Who saved me, Iggy?" the question had been nagging like an annoying nat and I just couldn't help but swat it. It didn't make sense. If the hospital had patched me up then they would've already interrogated and pulled up my records and everything. And even if I was in that _room _because they thought I was a mutant didn't explain why I had left unscathed.

Iggy's pace slowed slightly, letting his feet shuffle on the ground. Without meeting my eyes he answered nonchalantly, "Me,"

"What!" I automatically halted to a stop staring incredulously at him. "But, I mean, you didn't even _know_ me. And why…why would you bring to such a dangerous place and show me those…." I felt like screaming. My brain hurt, nothing added up and Iggy made it all the more frustrating standing there in the middle of the sidewalk smirking.

Honestly, if it had been me in his place I wouldn't have bothered. It's a selfish thing to say but nonetheless true.

"I think your little friend, Nudge was it? Might've been an influence and not all people in New York are complete jerks Max, _most_ but not all. Who was I to deny you life?" he said matter-of-factly, not smugly just simply.

I gawked at him; he did all the work on me?

"How old are you again?" I asked mockingly even though I truly wanted to know, sure he looked young but he could be 20 for all I knew.

Oh, my, freaking, god, I could be walking with a pedophile who preyed on teenage girls!

He shrugged and answered. "Fifteen and blind, a surprising feet right?" the words sounded effortless yet rehearsed, slightly bitter. Then Iggy's words finally began to sink in.

"Wait…you know where Nudge is?!" I exclaimed, completely puzzled. I felt so stupid, I was naïve little Luke to Iggy's Yoda. Seriously, this guy is just a bucket load of knowledge.

"Uh, duh?" his intelligence response was, so much for Yoda.

I couldn't help but look at Iggy in a whole new perspective now that he had unconsciously told me he was blind. How did he get around with all the cars and people, not to mention the traps for the unsuspecting? It was one of those mysteries that until you figured them out would annoy you for the rest of your days especially when the answer was right in front of you…

A speeding car passed us going so fast I was literally swept off my feet, nearly falling back into to a loitering crowd. Iggy grimaced,

"We should hurry," I swiftly regained my balance just as he began to quicken his step.

Now paranoid, we kept to the shadows and avoided eye contact at all times. _How_, I thought. _Has it come to this? When people are no longer safe on the sidewalk?_

For the next fifteen minutes all was quiet, not another word exchanged between the two of us. I could tell we were close as the people began to disperse and the quality of the area lessened. There were deep cracks in the road, graffiti under the bridge we walked under.

All of the sudden I couldn't think of meeting Iggy's friends, it wasn't possible. My stomach was in knots yet empty at the same time. What would become of me if they rejected me? This simple thought made my head swim.

_Deep breaths, in and out_

Ok, it's not like they can kick me out onto the streets? I mean, I am on their team now. Iggy seemed to like me. What was the worst that could happen?

But as I thought about it more and more, our destination gradually approaching I knew what the worst thing was. And it could so easily occur. There was nothing, absolutely nothing worse than an awkward situation.

Silence is required in almost every task you do. How would I be able to deal with an awkward silence? Living with the knowledge that they didn't approve of me, the cruel unsaid words hanging in the air...

Iggy lead the way into the subway and from what I could tell it was abandoned. Not a single soul in sight. This wouldn't have bothered me one bit, I had a thing for deserted places but the distant dripping of water somewhere and our feather light footsteps echoing off the cement walls was eerie and…._unnatural_.

I glanced over at Iggy, his expression confirming my fears. Apparently this wasn't normal or at least not common, his expression puzzled. I swallowed hard.

_Great, just freaking great, looks like I've brought my bad luck with me_

I watched sympathetically as Iggy scratched the back of his head, deep in thought. Most likely wondering what the heck to do.

_And I've just dumped it on some poor soul_

As I soon found out that wasn't the case, "Max, follow me. Don't get lost or else…well, you don't wanna know." And he left it at that. What the heck were we doing? There was obviously no one here, why stay any longer?

I didn't dare voice my doubts though because if I did I knew the sound would reverberate off the walls. I had this feeling Iggy wanted to be quiet.

I followed him blindly through the tunnel like an obedient little student, all natural light fading as we progressed further in. My eyes adjusted quickly to the darkness seeing as we had reached a part in the tunnel where it was as black as death. I refused to look at the ground because based on all the scurrying over the floors I knew I wasn't going to find a cute little squirrel…

I shuddered, bad mental picture... Unexpectedly Iggy lashed out and grabbed my arm, pulling me into the darker depths of this underworld. I slipped over the grime covered floor and nearly landed face first into…railroad tracks?

Ok, I knew this was a subway but the way things were looking right now it sure didn't feel like one. So imagine the surprise I was feeling when I was faced with proof that something civilized had once been here. Pft, yeah right,

All joking ceased though when I was suddenly pushed through a corridor and onto the cement. "What th-" I began to say but was interrupted when a gloved hand covered my mouth, muffling my words. Thrashing around I attempted to turn and face my captor but was immobilized. Heck, this guy's strong.

I continued my fruitless attempt at escape until I heard a voice whisper in my ear, "Just…chill." The words were soft and sweet having the same affect on me as a lullaby. Or they would've if I hadn't become so incredibly pissed at the very sound of his voice.

Fury and mortification welled up inside of me as I reluctantly ceased movement. He left me and Nudge to _die_ with nothing but a cryptic warning and he expected me to freaking _chill?! _Didn't he notice I was a runaway? Hello, news flash! Runaways trust no one. The second you do the next you know you're half dead in an alley somewhere.

But here I was being told to trust someone who I hardly knew and I was in a much worse situation than some random deserted alley. Bet you'd have never prepared yourself for being kidnapped in a deserted _subway_, now would you.

But technically Iggy lured me here so it's not all my fault.

At least that's what I'm trying to tell myself.

I glared at a distinct black spot on the wall across from me, breathing heavily as to keep my anger under control. I certainly didn't want to be _rude_ to my captors considering how _hospitable _this Butt over here had been when he saved my life and then took off to let me die a different way.

I'm obsessing aren't I?

If worse came to worst I could always punch him out just in case he tried to make a move on me. But for now I'll play it cool and cooperative. Ooo, shocking!

I stood up cautiously, Chivalrous's hand dropping from my mouth to his side. I glanced around and was in for the shock of my life.

I was in a secret passage for sure but secret world was more like it. Where I had been pushed into was what appeared to be an entrance of some sort. But everywhere else there were people, mostly homeless looking types and obvious runaways. Everything was silent though save for the almost mute conversations among everyone.

The peoples' expressions were the most shocking out of everything though. Stiff and scared, frozen in time as if waiting for their deaths.

Not the most cheerful atmosphere to be introduced to.

"What the heck is going _on_?!" I hissed. This was beyond comprehension. Life was so much easier when you could count on a person to backstab you without worrying that save you the next chance they got.

Iggy finally stepped into view and out of the shadows. From what I could tell it was only Iggy, Chivalrous, and me in the small entranceway. No one even bothered to glance in our direction.

"Nothing, we just had to safely get you underground." Iggy answered as if it was incredibly obvious.

I bounded back with my own remark, "Uh huh, _suuure_. Then why did you push me and then proceed to try and gag me?"

It was cloaked boy's turn to explain, "Can you honestly say that you weren't going to scream?" he smirked the same way he had in the park when I'd blushed. Oh god, was I blushing right now? I reached up and felt my cheek.

How I could worry about my impressions on a complete stranger at a time like this was beyond me.

"..." The expression of complete uncaring had settled on his face once again. He moved forward until we were only a foot apart. Cooley, he held out his hand.

"Fang, I'm deeply sorry if I have offended you in any way considering the glares you're giving me." Even if I didn't have the heart to stay pissed at him I still had my thoughts. I was thinking along the lines of how he said all this with straight face. Smart ass, I rolled my eyes.

"Max, and what if I don't _feel_ like forgiving you?" Yet I still held out my hand which he enveloped in his own, giving it a mock shake.

"I'll find a way to persuade you,"

"Bleh, you've been together for a record of a few minutes and you're already..._bonding_ for lack of a better term." Iggy teased.

Fang pulled his hand back from mine as if I had burned him even though he must know Iggy's blind. Cold air drifted in and encased the place where Fang had touched me while I tried to make my face appear just as stony as his. Though I can't say it was having the affect I would've liked. It was Central Park all over again, hit and run.

Iggy apparently not taking the hint continued, "You guys are sooo lucky 'cuz if I didn't know that Angel was standing right behind us I definitely would've kept going."

_What_? I turned around to see what he what he was talking about and….

Met the most piercing blue eyes I've ever seen.

In front of me stood precisely what Iggy had told, an angel. Blond curls bounced of the girl's shoulder the color of honey. Her face was dirt smudged yet she still shined. The girl's skin was pale like porcelain and she held a raggedy bear with angel wings.

I looked into her eyes and was shocked once more; they were large and a shade bordering on turquoise, glistening in the dim light. At first they had appeared innocent and childish but up close they were deadly and unforgiving. It was obvious that her life had just begun but she'd more than her fair share of pain and misery.

She looked up at Fang and I followed her gaze and I couldn't help but notice how his expression softened upon seeing the youth.

"Is that the girl who dropped out of the sky?" she asked innocently. _How did she know….?_

"Yeah, she'll be staying with us now," Fang glanced at me for a second before starting up again, "Where's Gazzy?" he questioned, which must've translated into _why aren't you with Gazzy?_

The girl, _Angel, _frowned. "He's being boring, playing with that new girl on the laptop. Gazzy says her skin looks like mocha. What's mocha?"

"Is she talking about Nudge?" I asked hopefully, my question directed at Iggy. He had implied she was safe, said she was with them. I wanted to make sure _now_.

"She…." But Iggy never got to finish his sentence for at that moment a cell phone looking device that I had never noticed before on his hip began to glow and beep rapidly. We all stared at it and then I began to panic.

The fear in his eyes as they met Fang's was unbearable; Iggy had looked so strong and untouchable at the hospital. There was a silent confirmation between the two like they had rehearsed this before.

The light on Iggy's belt lit the walls blood red, flashing on and off. Iggy ran over to Angel and grabbed her petite frame in his arms. She was fragile but the determination on her face was unbelievable.

The whole cavern was blown into frenzy as the citizens scrambled around like chickens with their heads cut off. Like they were searching for something they knew they weren't going to find.

I was spell bound by the panic in the cavern that I didn't feel my own; in fact I felt strangely calm. No thoughts went through my head considering I couldn't imagine what couldn't be so upsetting that everyone was acting like it was the end of the world.

Fang materialized in front of me suddenly but I didn't flinch. "Come with me, we have to go quickly. Don't ask..." his tone was urgent but he was cut off by some unseen force in the distance. Hmmm, this seems familiar….

"Get out of the way!" Fang shouted. I didn't have time to even react as he plowed into me, both of us ramming to the ground and…

The heavens came crashing down on us.


	8. don't know where she belongs

_-cough_- Merry Christmas! (Or merry whatever holiday you celebrate!) Yeah, a little late but I gave my friends their presents two days ago. I can't believe its 2008! Wow. I have a feeling this year's gonna be a heck of a lot better than the last! CHEERS TO THAT!

_What's your obsessive song at the moment? Mine, sadly, I got from Guitar Hero. –cringe- Collide by Anarchy Club. I like lots of type of music! hehe_

_-Ash_

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**don't know where she belongs**

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I pounded on his chest, my screaming unheard over the avalanche.

I wouldn't let him die, I couldn't.

My wails resounded in my ears, too shrill to possibly be my own voice but they were. With all my strength I pushed but my attempts only used up the last bit of energy I had.

"You can't do this!" I yelled, furious. But the sound was drowned out by the continuous banging and crashing of rocks.

Fang's eyes were closed and right then I felt so helpless. I was trapped, being protected against my will and I could do nothing to ensure his safety. I could only lay there, angry tears pooling in my eyes and hope that there was still the faintest of light left in his eyes.

_I bent over, sobs tearing through my throat. He wasn't okay; he said he would be okay! I pounded on his chest as if it would bring him back. He said that if I would just be a good girl, obey everyone and everything would be fine. But he lied._

_I took his hand, unnaturally cold against my clammy one. Glancing at it I noticed his ring, glinting silver in the lamp light. Father would take it, all I had left of him. I wouldn't allow it. Carefully, I slid it off and rested it in my palm._

_I searched with my eyes through the trees for sight of anyone who could expose me. What would Father do to me now that he had killed the only one I had cared for. Did I care what happened to me after this though I shook my head, no I couldn't think like that. He wouldn't have wanted that._

_In a voice stained with tears and hoarse from grief I called out, hoping somehow he would hear me, that he wasn't in his next life yet. That somehow I would get help before that happened._

"_You may have lied but I'll be honest. No one else will die because of me. Don't worry; everything _will_ be okay, now."_

The noise ceased leaving in its wake an eerie silence, the world holding its breath. All this sorrow poured into my soul. I didn't recognize any of what'd happened. All I knew was that I'd had a vision and it wasn't pleasant. The grief I'd been feeling then, in a memory I didn't remember carried over into reality.

With newfound tears and determination I lifted my sore and broken body up. The resistance was apparent from Fang but only at first. There was a weakness creeping in him and I took advantage of it.

Not wanting to injure him anymore that he already was I gently pushed up on his chest. He eventually gave up and rolled over onto his back and the rocks.

I winced, just watching lay on them looked painful but he remained silent. By now I was in a sitting position, eyeing Fang warily.

Although he seemed unconcerned seeing as he began moving around immediately. Panicking I jumped up just as he began to stand. Pushing him to the ground I exclaimed,

"What is your freaking problem?! Did it not occur to you that you were in the middle of an avalanche?! Five minutes ago if you asked me 'what would I be after something like that' I would've said dead!"

I stared hard at him, trying to regain my cool. The first thing I saw was that he looked extremely annoyed. The second thing was that he had some painful, bloody gashes all over his arms.

Untouched by my little rant Fang replied simply, "I've been through worse." To prove his point he stood slowly, not breaking eye contact with me once as he did so. I glared, deeply annoyed that he was being so….arrogant.

At the same time his shoulder brushed against mine his arm shot out and dragged me with him. I stumbled, not prepared to turn around and nearly face planted into the mountain of rocks.

Fang's hand stayed on my arm but the warmth and closeness was no comfort this time. He was tense and stoic and I had a feeling my first impression of him had been so wrong. I tried to tell myself that his sudden attitude problem was because of the stress of whatever disaster everyone believed to be going on.

But I couldn't help the way my gut twisted into a painful knot when I glanced at his dead pan face while we walked along the corridor, going further into the tunnel rather than the way I'd come in.

_He doesn't want me here, he's just listening to Iggy_

This realization formed in the farthest corners of my mind, slowly fading into view until it was all I could see. I had once thought Fang was the leader which I still believed. But the more I thought about it the more sense it made.

I mean why he would have been so kind to me when we first met unless he was putting on a façade and effort just for Iggy's sake. But now that he's seen what destruction I'd probably brought upon them since my appearance he was beginning to see the truth.

I was nothing but a liability.

Numbly I let him lead me, and proceeded to shut down my brain. Impossible, of course but it was technique I used quite often to escape painful memories. You can only go so long without thinking of something. You mind always needs something to focus on.

So it picks the first thing it can think of.

For me this isn't always good but it's better than facing reality.

Ideas and thoughts merged as my mind found a focus…

"_You don't even care he's gone! What is wrong with you" I screamed, my fury mixed in my tears as I watched his expression, unchanging. A drone, that's all he was. How did I let him become this?_

"_Nothing is wrong with me. It's you who's screwed up. He was a liability and you know that. I admit, what father did was a bit dramatic but necessary. I think you just need to chill. Forget him,"_

_Who was this person? I didn't know him anymore. Whatever happened to the sweet innocent brother I used to have? His words hit me like knifes, stabbing and twisting in my heart. He spoke so casually, as if the idea of father killing someone was to be overlooked. _

_I shook my head hard my dirty locks flailing. This was so screwed up. If only it was a dream. One that I would soon wake up from but the nightmare wouldn't end. It stretched on. No one could save me…_

The memory struck me, chilling me to the bone. It felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice cold water over my head. Shocking, cold, and an all around unpleasant feeling.

Why was Fang triggering all these horrible memories? Things I had buried deep inside now awakened and with vengeance. Were they so horrible that I couldn't live with them? There was no doubt that I wouldn't be getting sleep tonight…

"Fang, what happened?" I whispered, afraid that even the sound of my voice would set him off. He hesitated, obviously thinking about what to say. Good, at least he wasn't playing dumb, pretending not to know what I was talking about.

"Erasers," Fang took a breath, his composure falling for just a moment, enough so that I could see his weariness show through.

"Hunters and killers, they work for no one particular. Anyone who's against the mutants I suppose even though they are mutants themselves. But they've been created by scientists, somewhere on the line between human and wolf. _**That's**_ what happened. We were weak, too confident for our own good; we thought they wouldn't be able to find us. So they attacked."

Oh so that's what happened, not only right now but also in the park. He paused often, I noticed wryly, as if just opening his mouth and using so many words pained him.

As this new information sunk in, Fang jerked me to the right and I was just about to yell at him for treating me like a rag doll when I saw why. He held me out of the way and into safety as we watched the tunnel walls crumble right where I'd been standing not five seconds ago.

For a moment I imagined myself still standing there, falling to the ground, crushed beneath the rocks. And Fang, watching with detached fascination….

NO! I had the sudden urge to smack myself, even in front of Fang. I could feel his eyes on me as if he could sense my distress but I wasn't focused on him. Guilt washed over and I couldn't help but look into his eyes, shining with such sincere concern.

What kind of horrible person am I? To think such a thing like that, especially about someone who's done nothing but help me since we've met…

This place is messing with my freaking mind.

I swallowed past the lump in my throat. "Why _Erasers_, why not _Wolfs_ or something?" I questioned, forcing my thoughts into a different direction. It's not like it was a random question though. I had been wondering why, I just hadn't deemed it important enough to ask.

Fang's eyes narrowed as we began to walk again, although this time I was without his close presence.

"Your memory, if they believe you're enough of a threat then they'll erase it. We don't how exactly except that they have a tendency to beat the living shit out of you in the progress. Then you wake and don't remember part of your life." he explained without feeling.

"Sounds like fun." I said, adding a little pep to my voice at the end. It was meant to lighten the atmosphere but I'm not so sure it had the desired effect. This is only an observation though, but only because of Fang's short, bitter laugh. "Tons," And that was that. Fang's dark mood seemed to radiate around him, such a sad aura. I was too anxious to ask where we were going. Somehow, I knew he wouldn't respond.

One look at his face and I knew. Fang wasn't with me anymore; he was trapped in a different, dreadful place. I longed to be with him though, at least then I'd have some understanding of his actions.

But we all know that's never going to happen.

Cracks in the walls were our only source of light which wasn't saying much. By now my black converse were soaked from all the puddles I'd walked into. Damn, these were my favorite shoes too.

Fang stopped so suddenly that I didn't have the time to catch myself and I dove forward, slipping in the dark. As if sensing my fall, he whipped around and caught me by my arms.

I froze in his arms, embarrassed that I'd officially crossed into a new level of loserness.

God, clumsy much, I wouldn't have blamed him one bit if he told me to hit the road. I've always believed that I should at least meet the standard of walking without tripping over my own feet.

Now I can't even do that.

But Fang didn't say anything; in fact we stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity, with my arms in his. I looked up into his dark eyes waiting for rejection; this must've broken him out of his trance because with an almost hurried gentleness he helped me up.

I refused to meet his eyes, not that he was all too thrilled to look at me either. Why? He wasn't the one who toppled headfirst into the other.

"Sorry," I muttered. He acknowledged me with an almost unnoticeable nod.

Wow, talk about awkward.

"Uh, what were we…stopping for anyways?" I asked uncertainly trying to clear tension that had suddenly gathered in the…room (for lack of a better term).

There was only a calm expression on Fang's defined face and I breathed, releasing the one I had been holding. I admit that that sharp intake off breath hadn't just been relief. Fang had the body and looks of a god. And when you're on rough terms with a god…

Well, let's just say it ain't pretty.

"This is the end of the tunnel, now, we climb," to say I was shocked would've been an understatement.

"You can't be serious." I said incredulous, glancing up. But it was too dark to see anything, much less the escape route he had in plan.

I could tell Fang was taking pleasure disbelief by the way he humored me and answered,

"It's the safest way; Erasers are made for fighting not climbing. Nor will Iggy be very happy when he finds that we've ditched him only to be skinned alive the second we make it to high ground."

It made no sense at all. We would still be going to high ground if we climbed. Eventually we'd break the surface, except maybe if we stopped by something as small as the concrete road.

This was insane.

And yet I watched Fang skillfully manage through the dark and latch onto the rocks, beginning to climb. I sighed, there was no way out of this and I knew it. This was slowly driving me crazy.

Hesitating I took hold of the rocks, trying to tell myself not to back down because of their damp, slimy surface. Fang was no longer in sight which did nothing to calm my nervousness. Why hadn't I told him? I was barely off the ground and already my hands had begun to shake. It was different then when I'd been at the park with trees. I had had a mission, to find Nudge. All my anxiety had been focused on whether she was alright, but now.

The fear of falling wouldn't go away.

I stopped for a second to catch my breath before I passed out. I was being weak, pathetically weak. Fang's shuffling had ceased and I listened closely, trying to detect any sound. Finally I caught the sound of breathing, faint but still there.

Choking back my fear I imagined myself to be a light and graceful bird, one that could fly across the sky and stare straight at the ground with complete peace.

It helped to make me feel like more of a total freak.

But yet I felt lighter somehow, the pressure on my chest not as heavy.

Cheese, major cheese, just goes to show how glad I am that no one can read my mind. The thought that Fang would be at the end of whatever I was climbing was the only thing that pushed me forward.

It was so dark up here I couldn't even see my own fingertips so it wasn't much off a shock that I didn't see the ledge coming up. Fang's hands shot out and grabbed my arms causing me to let out a gasp of surprise as he pulled me over.

I shook out my hair and wiped the sweat from my brow. There were a few candles nearby that cast shadows along another passageway only this one lead forwards. I almost fell over in relief that I wouldn't have to climb any higher. Finally I turned to Fang, ready to continue our journey…

And realized it wasn't Fang.

The hooded figure struck out and tackled me to the gravel, capturing my wrists and pinning me to the ground. A ghostly smile played across his lips as he watched me squirm and struggle against his hold. Panic began to set in when I found that I couldn't break free, where was Fang?

"Get the hell off me!" I yelled. This didn't faze him one bit. Was there anyone nearby who could save me? Maybe they'd hear….

Almost as if reading my thought the hooded figure tensed, sensing the scream I was about to release. He swiftly, pulled his hood back and stared through me with deep brown eyes.

"What _**is**_ your problem?!" I cried, throwing him off me in rage. Although it looked more like he rolled off me out off his own free will. How did that happen…?

Fang smirked and rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. I brushed the dirt and dust off myself all the while glaring at him.

"We've got a _**lot**_ of work to do." Fang stated, as if this explained everything. For a moment I lost all my anger and switched to confusion.

"Excuse me?" I said hotly. I think there was a lot of work to be done on _**him**_. Who the heck jumps a girl, dressed up as the leader of some wacked out cult?!

"Defense, if you're going to help us fight for the freedom and safety of mutants _**and**_ people you have to have it. They'll be an actual battle Max, with a war like this there has to be a climax. Say that was a scientist who jumped you instead of me. There's no telling what he would've done." He explained, sounding almost concerned. Uh huh, I'm sure.

"Are you trying to imply that I am defenseless?" To my displeasure, his smirk came back.

"That is _exactly_ what I'm trying to say, Miss Damsel." Fang's dark mood was gone replaced with arrogance. Curse him and his split personalities. If it was up to me he'd just be silent the whole time.

The ceiling was high for a tunnel so I stood; grasping the last of my dignity and hoping I'd be able to find my way I stormed off with one of the small candles in hand.

My fury had lessened considerably since I'd confronted him so now I was able to feel the embarrassment of having been so close to him, how he had pretty much straddled me….

Fang, unknowing to my new thoughts chuckled at my anger, his voice growing distant. If only he knew that my thoughts were leaning towards a direction _far_ from anger.


	9. her feelings she hides

A/N This chapter was so loooonnnnggg. Well not really long, but I don't like how my chapters just keep getting longer and longer. It's very inconsistent. I won't bore you guys with lame excuses of my lack of updates.

Raining non stop for the last two days, stayed in watching Disney movies with my friends all day : )

-_Ash_

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**her feelings she hides**

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"You've got to be kidding," I panted, swiftly dropping to the ground...and narrowly missed being impaled with a pole. Fang merely smirked, choosing to ignore me for the moment and instead threw another object of a rather sharp and pointy nature at me.

Oh, and shiny. Just _can't_ forget that important detail.

I gritted my teeth not so much at the slight pain but at the fact that my pissed off meter was steadily rising. I couldn't believe that I was letting Fang and his infuriating silent yet _obvious_ arrogance get the best of me.

I was strong, dammit! I should be beating the crap out of him not five seconds away from becoming a shish kabob!

But I was forced to get over it quickly seeing as he'd now decided to take the fight to a more hands on level.

"I wouldn't lie to you Maxxy. You've got to build up your stamina and besides," he teased, not seeming the least out of breath.

"This is fun," Fang got right up in my face in what I guessed was _supposed _to been an intimidating stance but was ruined by something that shocked even _me_.

And let me tell you that that's quite an achievement.

I smirked at the faint but sure trace of eyeliner (which was most likely just dirt but I could just ignore that insignificant detail)

"Well, well, well. Who would've thought that Fang liked to indulge in his more feminine side? Now I'm starting to think that whole 'strong and silent' type is just a front and that you're secretly a total cross dre-"

Fang obviously tired of listening to me bash his ego punched me in the gut hard enough for me to literally fly backwards. I resisted the urge to groan as I breathed shallowly and instantly put up my guard.

Maybe screwing with his male pride wasn't the smartest course of action…

Rushing towards me, Fang delivered a combo of blows that ranged from kicks to punches. I narrowly blocked each hit until finally I found an opening in his attack. Taking advantage of the moment and I kicked his feet out from underneath him all the while hitting him with a round house kick sending his scrawny little butt flying.

Eh, not that I was particularly _watching_ his butt.

Fang rolled away and was on his feet before I could deal another blow but I wasn't about to give up that easily. I stalked over to him and started throwing punches which he all dodged of course, making me even more frustrated.

"Never…Call…Me…Maxxy!" I ground out with each punch and as I said the last word my punch finally clipped him in the jaw.

Fang didn't even have the decency to hide his obvious surprise at the fact that I'd managed to hit him. He stumbled back a few feet and I winced.

Ok, I think I just need to take a breath and remember that this is _just_ training.

But damn, did it feel good.

Just then Fang did something totally unexpected, he disappeared. Or at least that's what it _seemed_ like. He sprinted in the opposite direction of me and I watched him, puzzled. Once he was past one of the larger trees I lost sight of him. What the heck? You're not supposed to run away from a fight! That little…

"Ah!" I yelped, falling forwards into the grass…only to be caught again. How Fang got behind me in order to kick me with such force is beyond me.

I resisted the urge to kick him while he was off guard; he had obviously won this round though. Not that I had had any _real_ chance of beating him but it still stung. He was right, not only were fighting skills pathetic but so was my defense.

Not that I was going to admit that to, he didn't need an ego booster.

"_This_ is why we're not moving onto anything new."

Fang pulled me to my feet and I could see we had a temporary truce which meant my training was over for the moment.

Iggy, standing a good ten feet away began clapping at our performance. "In my opinion honestly, I think you've gotten better. But then again, you didn't exactly set the highest standards."

"Well I guess it's a good thing that no one asked you,"

It'd been around two weeks since I joined the Flock, more or less. The days seemed run together when you had all the time in the world.

Fine, maybe that was a _bit_ of an exaggeration.

But with all the continuous training we'd been doing it left little time for me to think or as Iggy liked to call it, _brood. _I'd rarely thought about the home I'd left, seeing as I woke up too early to think coherently and crashed as soon as it was late.

Besides my new friends (I don't think I'll ever get used to that word) were so exceptionally good at distracting me it was almost scary.

"So Maxxy, I say we take a break I'm starving." Iggy said with an obviously forced serious expression, yet the smug tone was evident in his voice. Nudge and Angel giggled, whether it was at what he had said or what I was going to do to him now that he had I didn't know.

The lone pole that Fang had used earlier I picked up and hurled it at Iggy, knowing he'd duck or else…well let's not go there.

"Is that the best you…" I hit Iggy over the head with the palm of my hand and he glared at me. Laughing at his expense I stuck my tongue out.

I was perfectly content and for once…happy; I looked over at Fang to see him arguing with Angel about where we were going to eat. And it looked like we would be eating at the fancy hotel next to the toy store.

Fang was desperately (as much as a guy who at an average uses a maximum of five words per sentence) defending his point but it was as if she had mind controlling abilities, that or it was her baby blue eyes. To be honest, the whole situation was pretty funny.

Fang, cold and unbending and totally in control was losing to Angel.

I fought a snicker, who's in control now?

Angel suddenly averted who gaze and caught my eye. I gave her a small smile which she returned followed by a wink. What just happened?

"Angel, we _can't _go there, you know that. We have to discuss our ahem… _plans_ and Erasers are almost sure to be there." He said exasperated. We all watched as Angel's face fell, even the stuffed bear she was holding appeared mournful.

Gazzy skipped over from where he was talking to Nudge and took his little sister's arm. He whispered something into her ear and almost immediately she perked up. She giggled and let him lead her over to where Nudge was typing furiously on the laptop they were using.

How someone can be that chipper is beyond me.

I rolled my eyes and turned to Fang, "So where are we going to eat genius?"

Ignoring my mocking tone he answered and shrugged, "Probably one of the fast food restaurants." I raised my eyebrows at the last part but said nothing.

Sometimes less is best.

Practically glued to each other's sides we walked alongside the sidewalks, keeping to grass, dirt or road. Now that I knew that Erasers can be pretty much anyone I wasn't too keen on being split up in a large crowd. At least some people share my paranoia.

A particularly harsh gust of wind tore through me and I pulled my hoodie closer to me. It was the middle of October and Halloween was fast approaching. I knew I was going to be in for a rude awakening when winter came considering I didn't exactly have that much room in my backpack for clothes.

I remember when we arrived at 'headquarters' as I liked to call it, I had been shocked that it had survived all the moving around I'd done. Somehow Iggy had managed to retrieve it from the disaster that was the subway tunnel.

I shivered but it wasn't just because of the cold. What happened to all those people, refugees from society, all the outcasts? It made me sick just thinking about how they could've possibly made it out alive…

If not for Fang I would be nothing short of dead. I shook off my unease and sped up, anxious to get to our destination…

I had been so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I had also had failed to notice that the shiny new apartments with their spotless windows had given way to streets lined up with broken down buildings.

The air carried an eerie stillness that was unnerving and I immediately wanted to turn on my heel and race back to the relative safety of the crowds and parks. I stole a glance at Fang and Iggy and they seemed perfectly at home if you count their blank expressions and stiff posture.

I guess that's how they always were when they're out in the open.

Biting my lip and attempting to keep my cool I strode on, slightly behind the others because of my uneasiness. We'd had to have walked this way dozens of times since now and somehow I could never get past the feeling suffocated the place like a photograph that never changed, suspended in time.

A few buildings later Fang slowed down and stopped in front of a creepy old apartment. It looked as if ready for demolition with the crumbling walls and paint but he walked right up to the door and called out,

"Sam!" I waited, too stunned to move. Did people live in _here_? And then I was hit with the fact that I was a runaway now, homeless. The Flock were runaways too and it would only make sense that they would have a type of headquarters.

I shivered at the mental image. Great, now I was comparing us to superheroes and waaay too tight underwear.

There was a rhythm of knocking from inside, "I'll fly on broken and bloodied wings through the skies of despair and over the land of war…" Fang said his voice confident and loud.

For a moment there was complete silence and I feared that he had somehow offended them, although I don't know how he could've.

_Breathe_ _Max_, _breathe. Not everyone is out to get you, stop being paranoid._

Sure enough a voice came through, higher and more boyish than Fang's but with the same sureness.

"…because not even my demons can keep me away from the air and accomplish the trueness of a life without a shattered soul."

The words made me slightly depressed, a tone of defeat lying behind the words.

"Way to be in touch with your inner emo," I muttered under my breath, walking in behind Nudge.

Fang proceeded to ignore me as he led us farther into the house, letting the door shut and lock behind him. To say I felt safer in streets than in the apartment wouldn't exactly be a lie.

I've never liked closed off places and this place was no exception. Before I'd left, I'd always spent more time outdoors than in my house. Maybe that's why I'd never gathered the courage to peek into my father's lab. It'd held a dark type of secret that I admit frightened me and I didn't want to take the risk of accidently locking myself inside it.

A boy with chestnut brown hair and just the perfect amount of waves in his bangs appeared as we walked led us into what I figured had once been a living room but appeared to be ghost of what it once was. Dusty, banged and miss-matched furniture was scattered throughout the room. Silently, trying not to draw attention to myself I found an armchair in the back by the shadows.

People in general made me nervous, I hated having someone size me up like I as some kind of experiment. I wasn't shy; I just couldn't stand the presence of strangers…

…and that didn't sound creepy or suicide bomber at all.

I shivered at the eerie stillness of the place…or that could've just been the fat rat that just scurried past my feet, blinking up at me for a split second in an almost mocking gesture. I breathed and out forcing myself to stay calm.

1…2…3…

"What's up this time? We usually don't hear from you guys unless there's some impending doom upon your sewer city." The boy who'd we'd first seen when walked in spoke up,

"It is not a sewer city, Sam. They live in subways and they're better off there than in the hands of the Erasers," Fang replied sharply.

Sam simply chuckled, "I was only kidding, you don't have to be so serious all the time."

"It's the only thing that keeps us alive," he mumbled irritably under his breath,

The boy shook his head with a wry smile and focused his attention away from Fang, seeming to suddenly notice my quiet presence in the back of the group. It was a good thing too; I was about ready to pound Fang for not introducing me to everyone right away.

He was grinning and across the room faster than anyone could realize what his intentions were, I included. Sam hopped up onto the arm of my chair and playfully wrapped his arms around my shoulders. I stiffened at his touch, how did people get comfortable with just going up and invading other's personal space?

By now I was getting really agitated.

Sam smirked and addressed Fang again, "When were you planning on introducing the rest of us band of misfits to your new recruit? She's the perfect girl for you! All quiet and brooding, a match made in heaven." He said wistfully, a smirk plastered to his face.

I definitely would've been rolling on the floor laughing at the jab to Fang if not for one tiny little fact…

_I_ was the girl he was talking about.

The words _Max_, _Fang_, and _relationship_ don't even belong in the same sentence! Yeah, sure he's cool and all for letting me roll with them and whatever but he's just so…so…high mantience. I'd rather be with a guy who speaks in complete sentences instead of making everything he says a game of charades.

Gazzy and Iggy immediately joined in on the teasing and laughing at the scowling Fang.

I tapped Galen on the shoulder and smiled sweetly when he finally looked down at me with an amused expression.

"And you know what _I_ think would be a match made in heaven?" I asked, "My fist and your face," I then proceeded to elbowed him in the gut forcing him to drop to the ground and for me to be free of his arm.

I snickered at the sight of his pained expression and his writhing form and Nudge came over to me and gave me a high five. Slowly, Sam pulled himself off the floor and glared at me.

"You just made my list, hope that Fang will protect you!" he warned although I didn't believe him one bit. I rolled my eyes and muttered,

"We're rooming with people with people who can't tell fact from and fiction and you want to put our safety in their hands? Oh god, we're doomed." I directed my comment more towards Fang. Sighing I fell back against the couch in a defeated slump.

I had almost expected Fang to scold me for not putting any faith in Sam and or some lame comment that would take all the fun out of our bickering.

But he simply sat there smirking, the closest he would come to agreeing with me, a small smile made its way on my face.

There was a lapse of silence or at least I thought so, maybe I had just tuned everyone out. Either way the quietness in my head felt like total bliss, finally having the time to sort out my thoughts. The mere sight of the dreariness and dark clouds through the window seemed to drain all of my energy.

Eventually everyone started chatting again, small talk that I knew that wouldn't miss. Silently I stood and started up the stairs, following the now familiar path to "my" room, Angel nearly gliding beside me.

I remembered Gazzy once telling me that there were six floors and that runaways like us lived on all of them. I hadn't thought much of it considering it seemed the apartment was completely empty whenever we arrived. Sam was the first one I'd met; I hoped that the rest were like him.

When we reached a door at the end of the upstairs hall she stopped and looked at me expectantly. I pushed the door open and peered inside, on alert for any danger. There was only a mattress set upon a creaky bed frame and a single wooden chair next to it, a boarded up window covered the opposite wall.

I sighed in relief; everything was just as I left it.

I turned to thank Angel but before I could say anything, those normally blank blue eyes seemed to smile up at me as she spoke,

"You'll stay, I know you will because he needs you and so do we. You fit in like family already."

Walking back towards the stairs, Angel brushed back her blond curls one last time and gave the most heartbreakingly sweet smile ever. None of her pain was reflected and she seemed to shine for that one second before reality dragged her down with it again.

I closed the door to the room and fell back onto the mattress feeling more than a little dazed by what Angel had said; the most sincere words she'd spoken to me since we'd met. Closing my eyes, I turned to my side, my last thought more of a realization than anything else.

I hadn't even had to ask who _he_ was.

XxX

_Lying back in the grass, reading my new book I couldn't have been any happier than I was then. The summer sun beat down on me fiercely and the wind played with my hair while I absorbed the freeness of the day._

_Someone came up behind me, shattering my peace, pulling on my hair and covering my eyes with their hands. I scowled, I knew exactly who it was and at the moment I wanted nothing to do with him. Prying his too large hands off my face I turn and faced him. _

"_I was doing perfectly fine without you," I muttered coldly. My eyes were trained on the back of my book but I could sense the smile in his voice as he spoke. Of course he would only smile when I wasn't looking._

"_I said I was sorry, don't make me beg." He said quietly, his voice playful. I couldn't resist, I glanced up and immediately realized it to be a mistake, there was no way I could stay angry with him. His dark orbs bore intensely into my hazel ones, sparkling with life and my breath caught in my throat._

_All former anger diminishing at our now petty seeming argument, I leaned back into his arms. My friend's strong and comforting form was better than any other force of nature._

"_What's today?" he asked suddenly, startling me out of my reverie. Confused, I twisted in his arms and answered softly, not daring to let our voices disturb the peace that seemed to be surrounding us._

"_Saturday, May 3rd. School's not for another two days, chill." All I got was an absent minded "hm" while he played with a lock of my hair._

_I began to hum a song I'd heard once a long time ago, I'd forgotten the words but the melody just fit my mood. I'm not a very sappy or affectionate person by nature, it just isn't my thing. But the urge was so strong that I felt like I would burst out in song, screaming 'The hills are alive' any moment now._

_Ick, talk about your Kodak moment._

_Yet, right then though I couldn't have cared less about what anyone else thought. Everything in the world was right and nothing could sour my soaring mood. I realized as long as he was around, nothing could make me any happier. No matter how High School Musical that sounded, for once I was sticking to my words._

_XxX_

Gasping, I sat up and leaned forward on my hands gasping for air. My hair was slicked back from sweat and my face was flushed and throbbing. My whole body was on end, almost like I'd been hit by lightning.

There wasn't a mirror in the room but I was completely sure that I was in no way presentable. Glancing at the boarded up window I could see a few streaks of sunlight peaking through the cracks. Wow, I'd slept through the whole morning.

Dream... I straightened up immediately; there was a dream I remembered now, that must've been what woke me up. Pressing my fingers to my temples, I focused on the hazy image of a dream of some sort. I went through forms of ideas, ranging from what I'd done yesterday to four years ago but nothing jogged my memory.

In fact the more I concentrated the more a blurry image of a face seemed to slip just out of mind's grasp and it just kept getting farther away until all I remembered was some kind of black light…

Why wasn't anything ever clear? Frustrated, I brought my hand down hard on top of the bedside table, causing a vibration through the thin walls and floors. I groaned, just what I needed to start off my morning, now this would rack my brain all day.

If anyone had been asleep they sure weren't now.

I hated reliving those days, I hated the old Max. She was always so happy and she actually had a friend. Wow, a real live, can touch and talk to friend. Talk about a fairytale without a happy ending, right? I really shouldn't be that bothered anymore though.

With a steady push, the door to the room opened and to my surprise Fang let himself in. Leaning against the wall he asked,

"Rats? Bugs? Unidentifiable liquids or substances?" I glared at him, now wasn't really the time for jokes, couldn't he see that I distressed?

"No…" I answered curtly, hoping Fang would take the hint and _leave. _But heaven forbid he give me my peace.

Sighing with impatience I snapped, "No offense or anything because I'm glad you've 'taken me under your wing' and all the crap. But what the hell do you want?"

Fang looked away for a moment, scowling and obviously having an inner debate, "You know…you were...talking in your sleep. I just wanted to hear it from you."

My cheeks burned, I knew I talked in my sleep. I couldn't help it, the dreams were so vivid and they unsettled all the barriers around my mind. Considering what my dream had been I couldn't see any reason to feel as flustered and embarrassed as I was.

The emotionless mask was back on his face and he seemed to be searching me for something. His eyes bluntly traveled up and down my body, taking in my disheveled appearance. I wanted to hit him, scream but I could only glare.

I knew how horrendous I looked at the moment. I didn't need him assessing me like he was.

"It was just a dream," I snapped, eyes cast downward. I could feel his gaze on me making me feel self conscious. I wanted to kill him for that, I loathed that emotion. Fang remained silent, he wanted me go on but there wasn't really much else to tell.

Not much that I cared to tell anyways.

I met Fang's dark brown eyes and for a minute we just stayed like that, staring each other down in what couldn't be called a totally uncomfortable silence. He walked over to the bed and sat down a respectful distance away.

"You loved him, didn't you?" The words seemed to float in the air, making it hard to breathe. I couldn't read his face but he'd spoken it as more of a statement. Shame filled me, my emotions were exposed and I didn't like the results.

"I have no idea what you're talking about and I would appreciate it if you gave something before you took." I didn't for my words to come out so harsh but that's what happened. I wasn't so much irritated by _him_ as I was by the question itself.

The fact that I didn't have an answer, the fact that my dream hadn't just been a dream but reality at some point.

Oh, how much I would give to relive that part of my life all over again…not to sound too nostalgic.

Hesitantly, I answered. I mean it wouldn't kill me to throw the guy a bone. "Maybe…if I yell myself up enough he'll be more than a blur in my memory."

Fang chuckled, a warm sound that made me want to slap him and melt at the same time. But not you know _melting_, the kind you do when you like someone, definitely not that.

"How much do you want to bet that's not going to work?" he said, a smirk plastered on his face.

"Depends, how much you got?" I joked, we were both dirt poor. He pretended to look thoughtful and answered a few seconds later.

"M y soul, but of course I get yours if I win." for a split second his eyes lit up, laughing at me and the barest hint of a genuine smile tugged at the corner of his lips. The moment was broken by footsteps coming towards us from the hall.

Nudge looked so extremely pleased with herself when she reached my room, not even registering our closeness as she squealed,

"Guess what!? I persuaded Iggy to let us ride on the subway! Isn't that great? We're going to this garden restaurant place!! He _promised_!" Her face was practically glowing and I could tell that it was taking all of her self-restraint not to jump up and down, screaming throughout the whole apartment.

I smirked; it couldn't be too bad, right? The thing that amused me the most was the fact that Iggy had cracked under Nudge peer pressure, shame on him. Still, I wished I'd been awake to see it.

I stood up and smoothed out my hair half heartedly. No amount of smoothing or water would be any help; sadly it would be a big poofball all day now. No doubt I'd been tossing and turning in my sleep.

I slipped quietly downstairs, or at least tried to, it's a hard feat to achieve when the floor boards creaks with each step I took. Yet no one noticed as I slid into a chair in the kitchen due to the yelling that was taking place between two redheads, Iggy, and Sam.

I smirked, someone get out the popcorn and icies, let the action begin.


End file.
